Balance 😭

8.18.24

Self care Sunday in effect. So I went from sleeping 9hrs to sleeping pretty much no hours last night. Balanced. Just kidding that is not fun. First off, I was not tired could not get tired. Spend way too many hours just trying to sleep when I should have just started doing something else until I was tired. Brain would not stop, reminding me I’d better hurry up and get to sleep, just building the stress making me more awake. It 9am now and I’m just starting to get sleepy but I’m also now hungry and feel nauseous from lack of sleep.

Half way through the day yesterday I got real sad and I cried because I needed to release it. What was actually wrong? Not sure exactly, was it me? Not sure. Maybe it was a bunch of little things building up. I tried to divert attention to something that brings me joy for awhile like looking at costumes/makeup etc. but it seemed to stress me out more.

Then I got two more packages (gifts) lol. I haven’t opened them yet. There some stress from having stuff with nowhere to put it. I tried to use this massager I got yesterday and I can’t use it on my calves while sitting here. It puts too much pressure on my knees so unfortunately there is also that. I stop and think, ”why is everything so hard?” I know it’s the ego. I wish I knew what it was supposed to teach me. I’ll need to figure something else out like putting pillows on the floor instead of the ottoman so it isn’t as high then set it on that and my legs would be on a slight decline taking off pressure. I’ll have to lay down if that fails. Right now I’m trying to change my vibration. Writing things out even if negative helps tremendously.

I have lunch and dinner figured out today, probably have lunch and try that pillow trick to massage legs and then try to sleep a little bit. How are you feeling out there? I watched some Copic art this morning and felt inspired but I should refrain until I get some sleep.

As some may know I have a skeleton collection. I added a new yoga one it’s on the way. Good deal, $7! I couldn’t pass on it. They don’t take up that much space. This one will be on my altar stand, where the goat planter (used to be). I’m sorry to say that Pygmalion the succulent has passed to plant heaven. I’m a little sad about that too, this is just not very plant friendly environment at the moment. Hopefully I can keep Vera and Sharpie alive. They are soaking up sun outside for now, unless it rains or gets frosty.

I still smell cigarettes 😑. It is driving me crazy as well. It’s probably somebody in the complex. I’m going too tell my ancestors to take it outside if it’s them. lol.

I’m off to nap, I noticed johovahs witnesses are out and about, isn’t that lovely. Ugh! Yes yes, you guys can go home I have found him.

4:13pm

I feel a lot better now much better spirits. I slept for 2hrs, ate lunch, opened the window in the kitchen to get fresh air, put the fan on the counter to suck in air from outside, it rained for like 20min and it’s only in the 60’s now! Started dinner in the oven.

I used the couch extender platform (it is a square that holds long pillow for the chaise lounge side) for my massager it was perfect height for this! My legs really got a workout with vibration, kneading and heat and did not hurt my knees. Amazing! So happy to have figured out how to make it work for me sitting up. I already feel like it has made a difference in the tightness of my feet, made my legs jelly for a little bit, good! Pump that fluid up and out!

Today’s fb memory