In Dreams

"Abandon Noun|Meaning: the trait lacking restraint or control; freedom from inhibition or worry."

Where do you get wild and free? Dreams are the remnants of your subconscious desires in 3d waking life, that have been neatly tucked away for later, when you are free to abandon control. Do you rememember your dreams? Are you lucid...do you have out of body experiences? Astral travel...sleep paralysis? Telepathic communications, vivid daydreams, phantom touches....

Sometimes I'm still in sleep paralysis when I wake up, the first time it happend I was maybe 11 years old staying at a friends house on the couch. I woke up but couldn’t move and could only whisper, "help!" After a few minutes I was fine, and we all laughed it off, but it was terrifying. I also would sleepwalk in my room when was really young, and would be found talking and banging on walls. A few years ago I sleepwalked into the kitchen in the middle of the night and made hot chocolate before realizing I had been asleep. Not things I like to admit but I think these things only happen in complete and total exhaustion which I don't experience anymore.

However, I have been pulling images from dreams into my art all my life. My dream world is vibrant and fantastic, and more often that not passionate, hence the red aesthetic showcased in the opening photo, which is just a small piece of the whole work...I wonder what else could be there? I think I should keep it to the imagination of the onlooker.

This is a recent vision of myself in a dream, at the Mera Luna Festival. I've not been there, or plan on going, but my subconscious must have picked up the idea and I had a dream. I remember the feeling of being insecure, wearing a cream dress to the event and was struggling to keep it wrinkle free. I had that all eyes on you feeling and not in a good way, I was relieved when I woke up and that it was indeed a dream. I’m sure it means something about my perfectionism struggle in waking life. Some dreams though, I think I could stay in forever, and sometimes it's devastating to awaken. I often experience touch in the best way if you know what I mean, taste, smell, but never physical pain which in action I have dreamed about lucidly, but it feels like pins and needles at the most. I wonder how different I am sometimes, I wouldn't change it if I could. Then I wonder if it’s just that easy, to truly say, "I'm staying here now, having this experience", while in REM sleep, and then just pass away in eternal bliss. I wonder if people who die peacefully in their sleep are actually just living their best dream.