Selfcare Sunday ✍🏻

10.13.24

A long rambling writing therapy

Hello my lovely people, do you know my middle name? Just kidding I’m still just Michelle, it is D_ _ _? No not Dick, quit laughing. So did you watch the video I posted last night? I feel it would be great for anyone really, like I said I’ve been on this journey quite awhile and when watching I heard and saw a lot of things I just knew from my personal experience and it was the first time actually having it explained so effectively. I was on and off giggling and pointing about it all to myself but that’s okay. Highly recommend if you‘ve been on your journey with no one to talk to and haven‘t been seeking info because you just figure your insane now 😂. I don’t mean you have to be all alone, although even surrounded by people who don’t understand you can still feel very lonely. I don’t really recommend talking about it with people not experiencing it because they really have no idea how to help you, and I think it puts unnecessary stress on your connection to that person. Use your own discretion. It is really about going within and trusting your higher self guidance until one day after much inner work you just are your higher self materialized, and you are responsible for your own life and its not that bad.

I have learned so much in the last five years it feels like a lifetime of information in that timespan. How long has everyone been on the journey? I’ve had many awakenings and dark nights and kundalini risings in my 30’s but I’d have to say now in my 40’s especially between December 2019 and probably like October 2020 was a skyrocketing ascension I really felt it and couldn’t articulate it, really had no help because no one I knew, knew anything about anything outside of a normal 3D existence. After that first six months during Covid pandemic shutdown thing I started to get aligned with everything and what was happening was more tolerable and just more fascinating. Everyday was becoming a new day of discovering something new about me I never realized before. Waking up in the morning and being curious about ‘what’s next?’ Was sometimes terrifying as do to being ‘new revelations of self’, it was always something I could feel. Just the shear joy of being alive is really because I don’t want to miss anything in my inner world/soul path/true path now that I have access to it, with also having this body that gets to sense it all. Although feeling isn’t always pleasant but all of that reminds you that you are alive and I’m grateful not to be going through life just on the surface level and have not for years now. It is very wonderful to be living deeply and consciously multidimensional. I wouldn’t go back to old ways of thinking if I could. I have found so much to be grateful for. If you are here I hope you feel the same way about all you are learning on your path.

Okay, so besides that what is happening? Well, in the 3D I am celebrating tradition that is decorating for Halloween. Samhain if your witchy 😉. I enjoy living by the karmic seasonal and cosmic cycles at this time in life perhaps one day I’ll move passed the human urge to celebrate them, but at this time I’m still embracing tradition that speaks to me.

Creative freedom, making time for what I truly enjoy on a soul level, and the ability to turn mundane chores into playtime is a form of success to me. I don’t usually match energy anymore, it is not authentic. I was never much of a people pleaser and I’m not a fawning personality. If I am not feeling great I’m probably not going to fake feeling great. I will withdrawal and introspect until I feel better. If someone unloads their bad day on me that I was not part of I do not absorb it or add to it by giving any energy anymore, that is primarily when I just observe I’m a good listener, and I still can transmute it for you but I won’t hold onto it. I used to feel a need to rescue others from thier self, and vice versa, but I’ve come to a point in life where I need to reserve that energy for when it’s is truly needed. We all have to realize we are our own saviors in this life. Many times my help isn’t welcome Anyways. I do not return bad energy, throw shade, or return any bad vibes, because I know what karma is. lol. I also don’t want that person to feel their own pain again and again I just want them to break the cycle, by getting it up and out and released not to hurt again, if that makes sense. I know people have different thoughts there about then they don’t learn there lessons…this is just imo. But I do return love energy if you are sincere, that is a good warm bounce of energy. I am very sensitive to others energy, I know if you’re being real. Infront of me or behind the screen I know. I also have what some may call a weakness, but it is a strength, the ability to hold love for people that don’t love me back. I have learned to be okay. It’s okay, it‘s my truth so I’ll be real with myself, it’s no skin off my back to sincerely radiate love.

I really don’t waste my time saying things I don’t mean, unless you tell me to, I dislike being told what to do. Ask, not command and you shall recieve an honest whatever it may be. I’m normally pretty quiet. Except for here, because I just carry on like I’m talking to myself, and if that is all I do so be it, lol. I would think if you do make the effort to come here you must enjoy something about me. If I ever came to you and shared a joke or was silly or awkward just know it took a lot of guts to be vulnerable with you like that, people don’t get to see that side of me outside this space, or one on one interactions. You will get three words out of me or a paragraph I’m hardly ever inbetween. I’m speaking on connections I’ve made as an adult not from childhood or school or growing up, I didn’t even know who I was yet, and that person isn’t who I am now.

People see me as super serious, especially the people graced with ever working with me (‘graced’ is sarcasm here), I’m aware now, I could be a bitch of a coworker. lol. My reliability and seriousness made me a doormat and always landed me into leadership type jobs and I hated holding higher responsibility as much as others hated it was me and not them. I’m really not like that anymore, I’ve grown so much.

Writing all this was a selfcare therapy of sorts. I hope my audience doesn’t feel attacked, it is not my intention, I can be very matter of fact in writing so the message is clearer. My intention was just to open your eyes to the possibilities you possess inside of yourselves to break out of bondage and prison that is the normal day to day life in this third density. The illusion is as real as you think it is. Reprogram your thought process and get out of your own way.

These days I do everything on my own terms. Be mindful of your existence and enjoy your life, keep creating a life you do not wish to escape from and unchain yourself from the false matrix, the chains and cuffs around you are loose, slip them, you were always free, and when that truth really sets in it’s going to make you angry. Be gentle with yourself, when you know better you do better. This will pull the true matrix of your inner being into existence, you will be guided or just know your next steps as soon as you are supposed to and have all you need in the process, it is not a race. Do not compete. Don’t put yourself in positions you have to compete in. Enjoy your life.